I haven’t been reading my chapter a day. That has to be painfully obvious. I’ve fallen behind my schedule, so I’ve decided to read two chapters a day, and blog hopefully in the morning as well as at night until I can catch up. One from the first and one from the second until I’m where I’m supposed to be.
I’m disappointed in myself for not following through. Do you know those people who hold themselves to a super obnoxiously high standard? Hi, nice to meet you. That’s me. And if you know anything about the Enneagram, you probably have already pinned that I’m a 1w2. If you don’t know what that is, ignore me. Anyway, on to the good stuff.
I’ve been disappointed a whole bunch in my life, and I think the hardest ones for me to get over are when I’ve been disappointed in people. I’m pretty sure we all have those people, and I think we see more of them when elections happen. Those people that you made friends with in the four years between presidential elections and successfully avoided talking politics with, and then you find out that they stand for everything you don’t stand for.
It’s hard, it’s disappointing. I saw so much disappointment in Harry in this chapter. Can you imagine the disappointment that literally nothing has changed? I know that if I was in his shoes, I would hope that maybe they’d treat me a little better now that there are people they have to answer to. But they didn’t. In fact, they reacted purely out of fear towards him, that even a common phrase like “What’s the magic word?” How disappointing must it be to go from one place of total love and acceptance to one where you have to watch every. single. word. you say.
Women marched on Washington and all over the world to express their disappointment, and anger in the way women are treated in this nation, and by our seated president. I’ve realized how quickly disappointment channels into so many other emotions. Anger, exhaustion, apathy. It really depends on the person, and their own morals, as well as the level of disappointment. Disappointment is a heavy emotion, and I think too often we dismiss it. How many people would have told Harry, “Oh it’s just a few months. You’ll get through it, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.” But that doesn’t validate the disappointment.
How much better would it have been for the President to acknowledge the disappointment? To say “I see all of you out there are scared and want to make sure I’m your president too, and I will be.” but yet again, the disappointment was not validated.
When I experienced the biggest disappointment/heartbreak of my life, God validated that. He told me that it was okay to be sad, to be disappointed, but that we’d move on together. He also showed me that my disappointment over the election was one to get ready to fight for. It’s reminded me that God knows exactly how everything is going to go. He knows what I need to mourn and move on from, and what I need to mourn as a call to action. He knows how to be a refuge for us all throughout our disappointment, and guide us to exactly what our next step should be. God is an awesome God and I am so lucky to serve him.