To Those of You Whose Generosity I’ve Taken Advantage of, I’m Sorry.- “The Keeper of the Keys” (generosity)

We all like to be around generous people. I know I do. I’m also going to be honest here, I’ve relied a lot on people being generous. It wasn’t until a month ago, honestly, when they told me I couldn’t go on my trip, that I decided that it was time to adult.  Crazy, I know, but it really hadn’t hit me how ready I was to be on my own, and honestly, how much relying on other people’s generosity let me continue to blow up my own life. I’ve had lots of roommates, but have never been able to be on a lease because my credit score was bad. Come to find out, it really wasn’t that bad, but because I wasn’t on a lease, I got another credit card to “improve it” and then…just did what I normally do. Not pay it off. And it’s left me kind of out to dry now. I haven’t saved money like I needed to, and people have been so, beyond generous, and I’ve always gotten by. I’ve always been able to make it work, but I haven’t ever forced myself to grow up.

I haven’t saved money like I needed to, and people have been so, beyond generous, and I’ve always gotten by. I’ve always been able to make it work, but I haven’t ever forced myself to grow up. I’m not faulting people for being generous, in fact, I am so overly grateful to them. I raised $10,000 to go on a trip that I’m now not going on by people being generous and believing in me.

Because of someone who looked at me and said “I believe in you”, I found a place to live in Los Angeles until I can pick up my feet. And now I’m ready to do that. But in the past, I’ve abused people’s generosity because I felt like it was all I had. That I couldn’t do it myself, and I’ve realized more now that I just refused to do it myself. It was too hard, and I felt like I had been through too much and that I couldn’t do it. It left me feeling desolate and alone. I have a few people who have stuck through my life with me and continue to be generous, and there are people who I burned out, and to them, I say I’m sorry, and while you may never read this, know that I hope you can forgive me. Know that losing you has hurt, and probably hurt you as well. But also know that I’m now stepping up to who many of you knew I could be, and I thank you for seeing that in me.

It was actually really hard for me to find real, true generosity in this chapter. I know so many people see it embodied in Hagrid, but I have major problems with Hagrid in this chapter.

Yes, this was the first time that Harry finally had someone in his corner, but Hagrid was mean and straight up hateful to the Dursley’s. I’m not defending them and how they’ve treated Harry, but Hagrid and Dumbledore had to have known this was going to be a sensitive situation.

This chapter posed this question to me: when we’re reliant on others generosity, how easy is it to excuse actions we wouldn’t normally excuse people for?

We have to, right?

Harry here is reliant on Hagrid’s generosity. His generosity with information, his generosity to take him out of there to eventually go to Diagon Alley. And while I don’t think Harry opposed how Hagrid treated the Dursleys, is that really a way for an adult to set an example for him? Maybe so. Harry did deserve to know the truth, but couldn’t this have been done in a way that was more focused on getting Harry to a safe location, away from abuse, without hurling abuse back at the Dursleys?

We talk a lot in Christianity about turning the other cheek, which I wish would have happened here. But it does show Hagrid’s character, and I guess it’s a form of loyalty, but it still rubs me the wrong way. We also talk a lot about generosity in Christianity a lot. Often in the form of tithing and how God loves a cheerful giver.

I know this is true. I’ve seen it present in my own life, and for one of the first times in my life, I find myself excited to get a job so I can be generous back to the church that has been such a wonderful part of my life. To be able to be generous to others, to open up my apartment to others. I’m ready to not be that person with -$25 in her bank account, just waiting for the next paycheck or the next blessing to come through so she can eat (even though she wasted a bunch of money on buying Kylie Lip Kits cheap from China!)

I’m ready to be generous but in a kind way. I want to help Harry’s get out of their Dursley situations, but I resolve to do it without being angry or hurtful or spiteful. I vow to do it with all the love that I possibly can, and with Jesus at the helm. After all, it was pretty generous for him to die for us the way he did.


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